Silly squabbles......

Every sibling squabble. They argue over petty things, and as you grow up, things don't really change....you just fight over 'bigger' toys such as money and car and rent.

"Do you know i spent xx amount on rice and chicken this week? Do you know they're expensive now?"

"Why are you always cooking for other people?"

"You're wasting so much gas baking....and you don't even bake for us."

"You used so much fuel this week!"

If i were to justify myself, i would have a lot to say to those things. My natural response will be to bark back at them and tell them they're wrong and i'm right. But then again....big sisters do that most of the time don't they? Maybe it's about time i rethink how i should be responding and not do it the 'big sister way'. I wish all the time that my brothers will grow up - grow up to be men who will take responsibilities, men who will offer and say "hey, can i do that for you?" instead of being asked, men who will be respectable and trustworthy.

At the age of 20, i was doing a lot of things myself. Had several part time job experiences, smashed my car and resolved it, went house hunting by myself (which was a nightmare), figured out what i want to do with my uni life, met a lot of people along the way and experiences that moulded me to what i am today. I wouldn't say they are vast experiences, but experiences good enough to learn about life, responsibility, discipline and the goodness and kindness of God throughout it all. Maybe circumstances forced me to grow up quicker than i was meant to, hence i had the same expectations for most people.

In all honesty, i haven't been the best sister there is. I could definitely work on it, improve on it and challenge myself to be different from what i am. It's a lot of hard work. Sitting here now, i'm feeling a tinge of disappointment at how things are and how they've become and maybe partially my fault for letting it be this way.......

Parents......

I appreciate my parents a lot....i do. But i also can't help it that sometimes i do wish and pray that they would be more understanding, that they would not be so Asian and expect so much from their eldest child. If you wanted me to talk about unfairness, i can go on forever. But life is unfair to begin with. Good does not happen to people who does good. Often time, you find yourself being accused, insulted and hurt for something that does not concern you.

It took so much calamity and grace as i spoke to my mum tonight. Why can't my brothers be doing the work? Why do i need to cop all the responsibilities? Why is it that they get treated much nicer?

It's so easy to accuse isn't it?

Parents are also human beings. As with every other person including myself, we all fail to show love properly. Other people not acting gracious towards me does not mean i can't act gracious towards them. Them not reciprocating my act of kindness does not mean i should stop doing it. Jesus never stopped loving the poor, the sick and the ones who hated him. How much agony he must be in, to be doing so much and yet not appreciated for it.

Everyday is a challenge in itself. And the different experiences that God gives in each of our lives has its purpose. Maybe he's trying to teach me how to be patient and forgiving and giving me the opportunity to exercise patience and forgiveness and grace.

I cry at a lot of things - farewells, birthdays, weddings, at people hugging at airports, when i listen to emo songs, and worst of all, at movies and dramas.

This morning, i read a letter a dear sister wrote to me. A letter of thanks, a letter that brought much tears. I'm just so so thankful for the way God has guided her path, knowing that as much as i try to take everything into my own hands and help, God is sovereign and in control. I'm thankful for the way she has grown to love others, to serve others and to want to please God. There is no better joy than to see a Christian struggling in this fallen world. As my heart aches for her, i can trust God to be her God and to look over her. And i prayed this morning, that all of us would grow each day, to be more and more like Jesus.

Thank you Lord for your grace and mercy and your abounding love.

Passion in Sydney

The night started with Chris Tomlin leading us with Let God Arise. After a long and tiring day at uni, it was good to be singing and be reminded that our God is a God who saves. The crowd was very excited, roaring with great enthusiasm. I have always like Chris Tomlin and his songs, so it was really good that i got a chance to see him lead singing that night. I think he lost a bit of weight, or maybe i wasn't used to his clean-shaven look.

We managed to get seats on the floor. (Well, we're Asians and we were there relatively early....not surprising is it? ) A few of the girls thought the music was too loud and the bass was affecting their heart beat...i thought it was quite hilarious. heheh. But having come from a church who does not go beyond the simple PA system, humble keyboard and electronic drum set - this set up at Sydney Entertainment Centre was basically an explosion to the ears.

So the night started with singing and me seeing others jump (i actually got a little tired after a minute of jumping ...the lactic acid was rapidly increasing i suppose). Louie Giglio then came out and introduced himself. I thought the work they were doing was fantastic - theWorld Tour, the prayers that they got each country to do for the next and the reaching out to university students around the globe. The talk that Louie gave was (in my humble opinion) mediocre, maybe coz there wasn't anything new to take away from it and i thought it lacked a bit of depth. But i have to say that the story he told of Ashley was touching and funny at the same time, i saw God at work again. His ways of reaching to the lost never cease to amaze me.

So there i was amongst a bunch of hyped up people, don't know if they were there to celebrate Jesus, or to celebrate the good music. Some of the lyrics didn't make sense to me when i sung it (which i shall not specifically point out) because the words were just weird. They are however good music that keeps me awake when i drive to uni early in the morning. I have to point out this particular song sung by Christ Tomlin though. If it was anything that struck me during this Passion Sydney session, it would be this song....

God of This City

Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done
In this city
Greater things are still to come
And greater things are still to be done here

While the words flashed on the screen, the picturesque Sydney Harbour Bridge and Opera House was in the background. (Sydney's beautiful isn't it?)

Yes, i believe that there are greater things to come and that there are things still to be done in Sydney. The gospel does not end with us. The crowd was encouraged to do something about the gospel, to keep making it known in this beautiful city that we call home. But what flashed in my head was not Sydney.......

It was this picture that flashed before my eyes. Make the gospel known in this beautiful city you call home. Although i very much love Sydney, grew comfortable, made it my home for the past 7 years and would not want anything to change that.....home was still Kuala Lumpur. Good old dusty KL. It's buildings and architecture is nothing like Sydney, weather nothing like Sydney, sadly....the people are also nothing like Sydney, but it's a city where i think God should be made known. As i sang that song....greater things have yet to come, greater things have yet to be done in this city.....my heart yearns to see the country where i was born to be transformed. Sydney is blessed to have good biblical teachings, blessed to have churches planted in almost every suburb.....i want to see my city also be flooded with biblical teachings, i want to see people worship Jesus and not their pastors, i want to see people worship God and not the music and i want to see them serve others and not themselves.

I was once again reminded that as much as i would love to stay in Sydney, Malaysia needs me more than Sydney does. That being said....Malaysia needs God much more than it needs me to help with gospel growth.

Note: Passion is a team based in the States that organises events, conferences and caters mainly to university students.